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How To Go Beyond “Good Enough”

The moment I realised, I wanted to run away. Nobody else knew what I had done, yet. Should I own up? Or should I just pray that the problem goes away. It’s hard to know when prayers work. Maybe I will go home, sleep and hopefully when I wake up the problem no longer exists. Fat motherfucking […]

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The One Magic Trick That Anyone Can Do

The last time I tried, I failed. I attempted to pull an acupuncture pillow from behind Sophie’s ear. She caught me. No more tricks. Not for a short while anyway. I have to let the magic dust settle. To date, the biggest thing I have managed to pull from behind her ear is a bottle of […]

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The Worst Time To Laugh

She started laughing out loud at the person who had just died next to her. Behind the curtain, a family were howling. On the other side of the curtain, there were hands over mouths and red faces all around. I think we were really just laughing so that we wouldn’t cry. The reality of the situation was […]

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How Should a Straight Man Greet a Gay Man?

Less than a decade ago that I didn’t know any gay men (or women). Any gays. “Gay” was nothing more than an insult we used between friends. Or something I called my e-machine when it wouldn’t turn on. Today, I know what drag is (for a long time that I thought it was something to do […]

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The Reflection Technique

She threw a plate at me. It smashed into the wall. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped out of the cupboard. I had been waiting for 15 minutes. Over the years, I have perfected the art of sneak attacks. My efforts were met with whirling china. I thought I was funny. She thought I was a […]

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It Only Takes a Conversation

At first I thought my illegal stream was broken. Annoying. The Conversation starts with lots of random signally noises. Like you’re stuck inside of a telephone cable. I nearly turned it off. I am glad I didn’t. It’s one of the best films ever. Maybe we can get that last Gene Hackman movie? A one […]

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When You Are The Problem

Check out this guy. He left a comment on a Kickstarter campaign that I am contributing to. I am not going to tell you the campaign because I intend to become a millionaire re-seller. (Ok. It’s a product which charges phones at double speed…) The products were due to be delivered in August but the company has […]

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Think About It Like This

No, I can’t. So please don’t suggest this again. My brain does not work in the same way. Neither does yours. I will never see things your way. But that’s okay. We have to meet in the middle. A sharing of minds. You can only do that if you are open to sharing. To create […]

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How Writing Every Day Made Me Lazy

I don’t know that this is a healthy obsession. I have taken a slight break in the last week. At first it was to help me write a book. Now, I’ve written a non-book worth of articles and completed very little of my actual book. Artful procrastination? Scriptural lethargy? A dick with words? Yes. Here’s […]

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Waste Not, Want Not

Today I was taking a shit and Sophie started to shout at me. The last thing that you need when you shit is someone shouting at you. It feels like you’re gonna poo everywhere and have a heart attack simultaneously. The toilet should be a place of complete silence and tranquility. Unless I am watching […]

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