The Worst Time To Laugh

She started laughing out loud at the person who had just died next to her. Behind the curtain, a family were howling. On the other side of the curtain, there were hands over mouths and red faces all around. I think we were really just laughing so that we wouldn’t cry. The […]

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The Reflection Technique

She threw a plate at me. It smashed into the wall. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped out of the cupboard. I had been waiting for 15 minutes. Over the years, I have perfected the art of sneak attacks. My efforts were met with whirling china. I thought I was funny. […]

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Think About It Like This

No, I can’t. So please don’t suggest this again. My brain does not work in the same way. Neither does yours. I will never see things your way. But that’s okay. We have to meet in the middle. A sharing of minds. You can only do that if you are […]

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Waste Not, Want Not

Today I was taking a shit and Sophie started to shout at me. The last thing that you need when you shit is someone shouting at you. It feels like you’re gonna poo everywhere and have a heart attack simultaneously. The toilet should be a place of complete silence and […]

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The Only Decisions You Need To Make

It can be as simple as black and white. We can add colour to life when we choose. Or, we can smudge the black into the white and create a miserable, sorry-for-itself grey. Often we know what colours we want to add to our canvas, but we’re afraid that everyone […]

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How Do You Judge a Toilet?

There were two framed certificates on the wall. “Loo of the Year Award – 5 Stars – 2011” “Loo of the Year Award – Platinum – 2014”. My immediate thoughts were: What happened in 2012 and 2013? Why the hell had they lost their Platinum status this year? I looked […]

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